Soldier of fortune

When I was a kid, like 14 years old. We had this thing in school where u talk to a psychologist and they help u find out what u gonna be in real life when u grow up. My conversation with that person was rly dead, I still remember awkward moments when I was siting across her answering her questions. Questions were pretty basic, stuff like what do you enjoy doing in your life? Whats your dad carrier? Your grades? How do u feel when u in that situation this situation... yada yada yada 
It was all very boring, only question I remember was rly significant and kinda marked my life till this day. She asked me if I had a million bucks (actually kunas, thats a Croatian currency but u get the picture) Anyway
So she asked me if I had a million bucks what would I do with them. My instant replay was that I would buy myself a computer and some games, rest put in bank and just sit on it and live on interests from that money and play games till I die :)
She looked at me, I still remember that look and just said ok so we are done here, good luck in your life. 
When I look back on it I wish I asked her so what do you think, wish I demanded an answer but I was rly shy back then.
As I later analyzed that answer, it always bugged me what did she wrote down. Why didnt she tell me what she wrote down. What I got from that and what I saw later in my life is that from that question u can see how ambitious I was when it comes to life.
I got zero ambition, i was born with it. Its how i am. I cant change it, could try but what would that. 
It dosent mean I have no interest in life, it just means that I dont rly see myself doing any job in the world that I would do and be happy just cause of it. THATS FINE FOR ME(now it is) 
There is a Chinese saying which i read somewhere(fuck i remember where). It says "find a job that interests you  and u gave yourself a meaning in life half of the day". Something like that, dont remember it fully.
I guess my zero ambition comes from the fact that material things dont make me happy as much as they make other ppl happy. Like all my friends wanted a car as soon as they got 18 and I was all like w/e, dont need it so why get a summer job?
Only thing that makes me happy from material things is technology. Maybe if I was a freak when it comes to owning tech, I would have a summer job to buy myself all the tech shit I want but 1 computer and an iphone is enough to make me tech happy.
Politics were interesting to me when i was like 17 but then after reading a bit about it and figuring out how it all works, it just made me see how all of it is bs but thats another topic for another post. I still tryed to apply to that college, good thing I failed at it.
I guess thats why I am in college for computers, was the closest carrier that would interest me.
My answer to the question didnt change,Im not 14 anymore. Im 24 but my answer is still the same more or less. I guess part of the money I would spend on my gf and give my mom some money too.
Rest is the same, and im fine with it. Dont forget cigs and wine tho :) Question dosent bug me anymore, that changed. Like till the age of 20 the answer buged me cause I feelt different, like I had an error in my system. Made me different from the rest of the ppl. Always asked myself what the fuck is wrong with me, why dont I want expensive shit in my life, why dont I want a huge house, a wife, 3 kids, why dont I want a job or a boat?
I figured it out not that long ago. Its cause im not like other ppl, I am who I am. Why pretend I want the things other ppl want or why the fuck try to get something that I dont want. Something changed, I did want a girl in my life and now I have that. Still not sure about the kids and a huge house, a boat and a car but maybe il get there one day. If I dont get there, its fine cause im going for that I want. Its who i am. Its how everybody should be, chase the shit u wanna have in life. It takes time to figure out what u wanna do in your life. What makes u tick? Most important is to do the shit that makes u happy even if other ppl dont do it, fuck the fit in situation. We not damn penguins. I figured it out.I figured out what makes me happy. Cigs,wine, orgasms and games, a bit of love too. Its all better when u can share those things with a person u love :)
For me it dosent matter whos gonna say what after I die. It dosent matter to me at all. All that it matters to me that 1 person can say. Zixx did what he loved and he wanted to do. Was it meaningful? Or did I waste my life? How can I waste my life if I did what I wanted to do? Thats not a wasted life for me. Im doing what I like and fuck everything else.
Atm I have what I need. I got a girl that loves me, I got a computer and I got the game I like to play. Also a pack of cigs and a bottle of wine from time to time.
I moved and im not standing in place even tho I still got that lure in me of no lifing and just playing games all the time and do nothing but I did that for 6 years and it didnt rly get me anywhere, was fun as hell tho. I guess i matured and im doing something to stand up on my 2 feet later in life.  I understand that I cant sit and play games all the time even if I would want that, I got to have my own money sooner or later. Its how this damn world works. 
So I will get a job soon enough so I can keep living my life the way I want to live it. Thats why I need a job, thats for me. Not cause it will make me happy or it will make me spend my day more meaningful. I need it so I can keep living in heaven.


There was a song that made me write this, its from Tim McGraw - my next 30 years. Was listening to it and made me realize Im hitting 30 in like 5 years. Made me all like fuck, when did this happen, I was 16 and playing world of warcraft like a month ago and ganking everbody. Time flys as fuck and as older I get I feel like its flying more and more.
My first 24 years didnt go to waste and my next 24 years wont go to waste either. 

One love
:)
P.S dont think Il ever want a damn boat lol